I hate failing. I’ve always been competitive especially when it would prove my abilities.
Last week, the (ex) hubby and I got into a fight. A major one… after almost 3 years. We were on the brink of giving up. At least I was. I thought.
I’m not sure if its really because of love that asked to give us another chance. But we did and we vowed to end it if its not working. That we won’t even try to mend things. Some or most would say I’m stupid to let him go. He’s handsome, smart, tries to be as responsible as a father, and loves me. Now I don’t think the latter has any truth to it. It may be the false kind of love. Loving because of need. I’ve always thought that but I never wanted to confirm. I deserve more than that. I mean, after ALL I have gone through, I definitely deserve more than that.
Today, it was different. The (ex) husband left. For good. Back to his roots. Where he truly belongs. Where his heart is. And that just killed me.
But I had to let him go. To let him realize what he really needs, what he really wants, who he really loves. I had a sick idea that he was only with me because of the kids and his likeness for what’s ideal. I think that just proved me right. So what’s my say? Nothing. I’ve said all that I need to say. He just didn’t hear me. He didn’t listen. This is the time that even if you still love a person, letting go is the best decision you’ll make. Time to grow. Even when apart.
It’s just sad that there are certain factors that has left me bruised and he never said anything. I never heard him. And its one of the reasons why we had to do this. Its THE major reason. No third party, at least not romantically. But I would hate to see myself dealing with leftovers of his love and affection. He does not see me the way he sees them.
To my kids… Sorry. We still love you. We just decided to do it separately. We tried. We failed. Sorry.