I am not fully healed…

I still think about certain happenings in my life that has resulted to what my family (me, hubby and kids) are experiencing right now. I mean, what could I have done better? I only wanted to help, and yet, I was the “villain” in the story.. well, at least for them.

There are days when I wished that I had the guts to say no right from the beginning. That I had the will and the strength to leave when I had the chance.But I don’t. I never did. Not even on the worse of worst days. I was always optimistic that we always will be together.

Now that I’m almost out of their lives (I say almost because I know I’ll always have that “bond”, being the hubby and my kids), I still wish I could’ve done things in a different way. I mean, I should’ve known it wouldn’t work with them, right? It was not in my personality to just nod and say yes just because they were older and they expected it from me. No! I have managed to work my ass off for my family. Not even my own parents had the say on what I want for my own family! So why should anyone else? Right? Not for them, NO!


And it was always about what and how they feel. Never about me. Not even my husbands, mind you. They were always closed to the fact that my hubby and I was not an option for any feelings, any emotions.

Just the other day, I saw the Facebook page of my hubby’s ex. The one they’ve always wanted. Maybe because I’m not as much as a “sucker” as she was. I just don’t believe that I need to be somebody else for people to like me, let alone people that I will deal with for the rest of my life. So I thought, if that girl became my hubby’s wife, would it have been better for him? for them? A question I’ve always asked. And maybe even to the point of getting envious. But I will NEVER change who I am. I am married to the hubby… and only to him. As long as he loves me and believes in me and wants me… NOTHING ELSE SHOULD MATTER.


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